Now that you have been introduced a bit to confrontation I’m going to give you a list of some of the ways NOT to do this whole confronting thing. This devo is short and sweet but it is also very important peeps. Because confronting others is important and necessary you guys need to know how not to do it as well as how to do it. Tonight we are going to look at how not.
Confrontation is usually about something personal. Personal, meaning, that whatever you’re confronting the person on, is directly related to them, whether it is a well known fact about the person, or an inner struggle. Because you are confronting a particular friend or group of friends you have to be very sensitive to the situation.
Now, In my life, like I mentioned earlier, I struggled with confrontation. It was something I was afraid of. I asked God to help me out in this area so He gave me a friend named Laura. Her and I were in our second year of college and we had recently become the best of friends. When you get to be best friends with others you get to see all their goods and bads. You care about them a lot that you want to challenge them to get out of the bad spots. This is how it was with Laura and I. The list I’m about to give you is…no lie…a list that I have come up with out of my experiences with confronting and being confronted by Laura. There are probably much more extensive lists on how not to do confrontation but this is a list of some that are from my experience.
So folks, this is how, in my experience, not to confront others:
1. In front of others. As self explanatory as this may be, I will expand. Even if it is one other person that you both may be friends with…do not confront your friend in front of someone else. Now, in some situations you may need to confront a friend with someone else, but that is entirely different. This will just embarrass the friend you are confronting and make you look like a jerk or idiot. Plus, it makes the third person a bit uncomfortable.
2. Jokingly/making light of/making fun of. This is one that I tried by accident. I had some random issue with Laura that I felt I should say something about and it came out as more of a joke than anything else. It really hurt her feelings. If you are confronting a friend….mean it. It shows such a lack of caring for the persons feelings. I was trying to lighten up the situation because for some reason I deal with things through humor…laugh it off right?! That is not always the best tactic….and usually never is in confrontation. Mean what you say and be sensitive to what your friends are struggling with. Don’t lessen the importance of the situation you’re confronting them on. Especially when it comes to topics about purity.
3. Angrily. Now, this is a bit of a tricky one. It’s okay to be angry about situations in your life and situations your friends are in. It’s okay to get mad. BUT…big but…confronting out of anger isn’t effective. Think before you confront. Don’t blow up at your friend. Pray about it first. Calm down and try not to say something you may regret later that came out of ill feelings.
4. Email/text/facebook-Don’t chicken out! I tell you peeps…face to face and if you absolutely have no other choice…on the phone… is the only way of doing it. There is no room for your friend to explain or talk. Messages can be mixed. Etc. I’m sure you have all been part of a situation where you’ve texted someone something funny to have them totally taken it the wrong way. Confrontation when dealing with purity should be taken seriously and out of love. Don’t chicken out.
5. Without knowing what the situation really is. Self explanatory? Make sure you know what the deal is with your friends. Make sure it’s a situation that needs confronting. If you start confronting, get your facts straight. It will just end up awkward and confusing.
Like I said, this is not a comprehensive list. There are other ways to go wrong with confronting. This is just a start. Tomorrow I will finish off this devo set by giving you some pointers on how to do confrontation. I can’t stress the importance of praying before confrontation.
Hope this gets you brain gears turning.
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