Don't Be Confrontin This Way

Dudes and Dudettes of Soul A,

Now that you have been introduced a bit to confrontation I’m going to give you a list of some of the ways NOT to do this whole confronting thing. This devo is short and sweet but it is also very important peeps. Because confronting others is important and necessary you guys need to know how not to do it as well as how to do it. Tonight we are going to look at how not.

Confrontation is usually about something personal. Personal, meaning, that whatever you’re confronting the person on, is directly related to them, whether it is a well known fact about the person, or an inner struggle. Because you are confronting a particular friend or group of friends you have to be very sensitive to the situation.

Now, In my life, like I mentioned earlier, I struggled with confrontation. It was something I was afraid of. I asked God to help me out in this area so He gave me a friend named Laura. Her and I were in our second year of college and we had recently become the best of friends. When you get to be best friends with others you get to see all their goods and bads. You care about them a lot that you want to challenge them to get out of the bad spots. This is how it was with Laura and I. The list I’m about to give you is…no lie…a list that I have come up with out of my experiences with confronting and being confronted by Laura. There are probably much more extensive lists on how not to do confrontation but this is a list of some that are from my experience.

So folks, this is how, in my experience, not to confront others:

1. In front of others. As self explanatory as this may be, I will expand. Even if it is one other person that you both may be friends with…do not confront your friend in front of someone else. Now, in some situations you may need to confront a friend with someone else, but that is entirely different. This will just embarrass the friend you are confronting and make you look like a jerk or idiot. Plus, it makes the third person a bit uncomfortable.

2. Jokingly/making light of/making fun of. This is one that I tried by accident. I had some random issue with Laura that I felt I should say something about and it came out as more of a joke than anything else. It really hurt her feelings. If you are confronting a friend….mean it. It shows such a lack of caring for the persons feelings. I was trying to lighten up the situation because for some reason I deal with things through humor…laugh it off right?! That is not always the best tactic….and usually never is in confrontation. Mean what you say and be sensitive to what your friends are struggling with. Don’t lessen the importance of the situation you’re confronting them on. Especially when it comes to topics about purity.

3. Angrily. Now, this is a bit of a tricky one. It’s okay to be angry about situations in your life and situations your friends are in. It’s okay to get mad. BUT…big but…confronting out of anger isn’t effective. Think before you confront. Don’t blow up at your friend. Pray about it first. Calm down and try not to say something you may regret later that came out of ill feelings.

4. Email/text/facebook-Don’t chicken out! I tell you peeps…face to face and if you absolutely have no other choice…on the phone… is the only way of doing it. There is no room for your friend to explain or talk. Messages can be mixed. Etc. I’m sure you have all been part of a situation where you’ve texted someone something funny to have them totally taken it the wrong way. Confrontation when dealing with purity should be taken seriously and out of love. Don’t chicken out.

5. Without knowing what the situation really is. Self explanatory? Make sure you know what the deal is with your friends. Make sure it’s a situation that needs confronting. If you start confronting, get your facts straight. It will just end up awkward and confusing.

Like I said, this is not a comprehensive list. There are other ways to go wrong with confronting. This is just a start. Tomorrow I will finish off this devo set by giving you some pointers on how to do confrontation. I can’t stress the importance of praying before confrontation.

Hope this gets you brain gears turning.

Y'all Be Confrontin'

Todays topic is…drum roll please…….Confrontation!! Lets open with a verse from the Bible because that’s where all the best stuff is.

⁵ Better is open rebuke
than hidden love.
⁶ Wounds from a friend can be trusted,
but an enemy multiplies kisses.
Proverbs 27:5-6 NIV

And now, a quote from my buddy Oscar Wilde: "True friends stab you in the front." Think about that for a moment…..

So, confrontation…not going to lie, it is straight up…one of my least fave things to do in life….ever! But, it is so necessary no matter how sucky. I’m a peace loving, easy going chic. I hate the potential conflict or hurting peoples feelings SO confrontation is a skill that I blow at cause I hate doing it. I hate it so much that I often avoid doing it even when I know it’s what I need to do. One year when I was in college I prayed that I could work on my confrontation skills…be careful what you pray for guys….he will give you situations in which to practice these skills. Thankfully He gave me a really good friend to practice these skills with. We would often practice on each other and never on purpose…it was weird stuff. Both of us learned a lot about what not to do and because of that what to do. Thank the LORD for forgiveness and understanding.

Anywhoooooo

As you can see, this is one of the hardest things that I struggle with, I don’t know what it’s like for you guys, but it is tough stuff. Now, some personalities tend to have an easier time with it all, and some don’t. No matter how hard or easy it is for you, you still need to know the good ways of confronting and the bad ways.

Telling a buddy “hey man, you gotta stop doing this cause…..” takes big time guts. Sometimes you look uncool, uncaring, or whatev. But man, especially on the topic of purity, we have got to start stepping up and calling each other out. And, who better then friends who love us, know us, are comfortable with us. There are few different ways you can do this whole confrontation thing.

-one on one

-third party-be careful not to betray trust

-group intervention

-Kind and gentle….caring- Check out the story of Jesus Mary and Martha (Luke 10:38-42)

-Angry and get it through your thick skull blunt stuff-Jesus and table throwing (Matthew 21:12-13)

So confrontation is a large part of accountability. If you ask a friend to be your accountability person, you should expect that asking them is an invitation for that person to call you out when you’re struggling with something. And you, as someone’s accountability, must have the guts to confront the other or else the whole idea of keeping each other accountable becomes just a fancy title for nothing. It becomes useless.

The last couple of devo’s are going to look at how to properly confront and how not to. Things can get really touchy when it comes to purity and living a pure life. I hope you continue to pray about who you are accountable with. Pray for chances to change each others lives, and pray for sensitivity.

Friendship and Accountability

1 Thessalonians 5:11

Therefore encourage one another and build up each other, just as you are in fact doing.

Okay, so you’ve thought about your friendships a bit. Now, lets get into what purity has to do with your friendships. You can’t always count on Soul Asylum or church to challenge you on all of the things that go on in your life…..even though they are very important for your growth, changing, and maturity. There are many places that you can find accountability people. Church leaders, youth leaders, parents and other adults in your life that you trust. But, we are looking at accountability in the confines of friends because there just seems to be no one around that knows you better then your close friends, right. They often know what’s going on in your life better then even your family. You guys need those people in your life that you can talk to about everything and anything. You need that support and you need that honest accountability. Someone who knows and sees your ups and downs and can call you out when you’re being an idiot.

So, lets take a look at accountability within your friendships. When you’re having issues in your life dealing with purity, I tell ya, there is nothing better then having a friend that you can talk to about what you are struggling with and then have that certain someone challenge you to change. It is a cool thing to be able to have someone in your life to call you out when you are stumbling through an issue. In the Bible Paul even had someone in his life to keep him accountable named Barnabus:

“(2) Paul and Barnabus. Paul had a Barnabus (a son of encouragement) with whom he could identify. Paul could go to him with problems and discouragement. He was someone with whom he could pray, or from whom he could get counsel, guidance, and encouragement. He was someone to give another viewpoint or perspective. As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” -http://bible.org/seriespage/mark-16-accountability

When struggling with things like purity, it can be tough to make boundaries…or even see that you need boundaries. I tell ya, it is so easy to justify some sins in your life especially those sins that are okayed by the rest of the world. It is a slippery slope that leads to a lot of heartache and a lot more problems to struggle with later. SO….how awesome would it be to have someone who is in your life that knows the slope you are on so that when they see you sliding down they can grab you and pull you up before it gets too messy?

I challenge you to have at least one person in your life, someone that you trust a lot, that can do that for you. Someone who, out of love and friendship, can say “hey, you really need to slow down…” or say whatever it is you need to hear. It is a gift of a relationship that can help you in many situations.

Now, I recommend that this person is someone of the same sex. It’s really just a matter of guys understand guy issues better, and girls understand girl issues better. You can talk to someone of the opposite sex about struggles you are having…I’m not saying you shouldn’t. But, in most cases, it is far more effective to keep accountable to someone of the same sex.

So, now, as you are thinking of you would like to have this accountability shin dig with, consider their lifestyle: would they direct on the right path? Would they keep you accountable to the right things? Do you trust them? Would you be able to keep them accountable back?

So that’s a quick look at accountability. The rest of this week we will be unpacking one MAJOR part of accountability. The biggest part as far as I’m concerned. For me, it’s one of the hardest parts of any relationship. And that, my friends, is confrontation.

I pray that all of you find someone here on earth to keep accountable to. Whether it is a friend or a leader or whoever else. You pray about it too.

Friends are Friends Forever

For the last couple of weeks we’ve been looking at purity and this week is no different. This particular week we will be looking at purity from a different angle…..Friendships. So, what does the topic of friendships have to do with purity. We will unpack this throughout the week.

First things first lets look at what a friendship is. In a day where friendship seems to be defined by the amount of people that stalk you on facebook lets dig a little deeper into what a friend really is. We commonly hear or think of friends like family. They stick up for you not tare you down, hang out with you even when you’re lame or boring. They will challenge you or tell you when you’re being dumb. They will even tell you if you have stuff in your teeth because truly they want the best for you.

That’s a few ideas of what I think a friend is. Now, I’m going to throw you a bunch of quotes and definitions of what others think a friend is. Think of your friends as you read these. Do they measure up? Do you measure up?

Friendship improves happiness, and abates misery, by doubling our joys, and dividing our grief.
- Joseph Addison

Brainyquote.com defines friendship as: “The state of being friends; friendly relation, or attachment, to a person, or between persons; affection arising from mutual esteem and good will; friendliness; amity; good will.”

Merriam-Webster defines friendship in their dictionary as such:

Main Entry: ¹friend

Pronunciation: \ˈfrend\

Function: noun

Etymology: Middle English frend, from Old English frēond; akin to Old High German friunt friend, Old English frēon to love, frēo free

Date: before 12th century

1 a : one attached to another by affection or esteem b : aquaintance
2 a : one that is not hostile b : one that is of the same nation, party, or group
3 : one that favors or promotes something (as a charity)
4 : a favored companion

Alright, so there are a few solid and educationy ways of looking at friendship. Now, lets take a quick look at what the Bible says about friends and friendships. These are just a few of the many verses about friendship in the bible.

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls for he has no one to help him up.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 New King James Version

A friend loveth at all times.
Proverbs 17:17

This is my commandment, that ye love one another, even as I have loved you. Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

John 15:12-13

Look at your friendships….take a good hard look at those guys and girls that you call friends.

Are they hostile towards you?

Do they display love to you?

Do you enjoy yourself when you hang out with them?

Do your friends improve your happiness or bring you down?

Do they bring out the best or worst in you?

Do they stick by you no matter what?

Would they lay down their life for you?

Would you lay down your life for them?

So, Dudes and Dudettes, this is just an introduction into this weeks topic. I’d like you to take a look at what, especially, the Bible says about friendships. Take a look at your friendships…question and understand your friendships. They are something very precious and very rare. If you are lucky to be blessed with such a relationship, treasure it.

I will end this devo with a quote and a challenge: “The only way to have a friend is to be one." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

So You've Messed Up.... Now What - Part 4

So I'm guessing that by now some of you are thinking WOW this is too much. I can't seem to do it. Every time I try to repent from my sin I seem to go back to it. Well... don't worry you don't have to do it alone. That's why we are here. "We" meaning all of us, not just the leaders of Soul Asylum or Soul Sanctuary, but YOU as well.
The following meditation is written by a man named John Donne. Some of you might have heard it already, some of you this is the first time. Read it, think on it, let me know your thoughts.

No man is an island entire of itself; every man
is a piece of the continent, a part of the main;
if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe
is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as
well as any manner of thy friends or of thine
own were; any man's death diminishes me,
because I am involved in mankind.
And therefore never send to know for whom
the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.

God did not intend for us to live life alone.  Genesis 2:18 says

The Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

Yes I know that this is when God created Eve to be Adam's helper. But think about it. IT IS NOT GOOD FOR US TO BE ALONE! We can't do it all, and sometimes we need help to overcome the repetitive sin that claims us. If you are struggling, come to us leaders, we will try to help. Talk to your family, they love you and want to help. Talk to a TRUSTED friend, that means someone who will not shout from the rooftops what you tell them in confidence. If you still are unsure you might recall Raena mentioned on Friday that there were groups that are out there to help. Talk to her. She can help you find a safe place.

For those of us that have people coming to us for help, please remember this:
1) They came to you for help, not judgment. It is not our place to judge
2) Listen. You can't do anything to help them until you know the true issue, so listen to them.
3) This is about them, not you. Don't get caught up in telling your own story. You are there to help them, not yourself.
4) LOVE!!!!! You can't do anything unless you love. Love is the key to all.


Which then brings us to the final step coming in the next part:

5) LOVE - Learn to love God, yourself and others as God intended.

Again, if you have any thoughts or questions so far, please let myself or any of the leaders know. If you disagree with anything, please let me know, but make sure you can explain why you disagree. I'd love to know your thoughts.

So You've Messed Up.... Now What - Part 3

So far we have confessed to God that we've messed up and then asked his forgiveness and learned to forgive ourselves. So what's next?

3) Repent - Step away from the sin!!!

I remember sitting in a church one day and I heard a pastor say the phrase "To repent is to do a 180 degree turn and walk away from your sin." That kind of caught me. It made me wonder if that was it, if repenting was that simple. Well it is, sort of...
When you see your sin, or your mistake you subconsciously focus your thoughts, heart and eyes on it. When this happens it is hard to look away. That's why repentance is not just turning away from your sin, but refocusing your whole self on something else. Unless you seek God and focus on him you are more likely to return to 'the scene of the crime' or rather, your sin. For you who were at Soul this past Sunday you might remember a vivid scenario that PGerry did. He slapped someone. Repetedly. Do you remember why? Because that is sort of what we do when we continually go back to our mistakes and sin against God, again, and again, and again. This is why we must repent.

Acts 2:38,39 says this about repenting:

Peter replied, "Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. The promise is for you and your children and for all who are far off - for all whom the Lord our God will call."

That means you!

Once you repent from your sin, DON'T DO IT AGAIN! Simple as that. Or is it? Sometimes we can't do it alone. That's why there are two more steps.

4) Accountability - Find someone or some people you trust who can hold you accountable and hold you up in prayer
5) LOVE - Learn to love God, yourself and others as God intended.

Again, if you have any thoughts or questions so far, please let myself or any of the leaders know. If you disagree with anything, please let me know, but make sure you can explain why you disagree. I'd love to know your thoughts.

So You've Messed Up.... Now What - Part 2

Ok, I hope you all weren't waiting on pins and needles till this one came. Ready to get grimy? Lets dig in...

1) Confess - Realize you've messed up and tell God

Then David said to Nathan, "I have sinned against the Lord." (2 Sam 12:13)

I've always wondered what have happened if things went a little differently when Nathan confronted David about his sinning in the murder of Uriah and the adultery with Bathsheba. Lets imagine it went a little something like this...

As they were sitting at Starbucks drinking their fraps Nathan said to David, "David, a little birdie (God) told me that you slept with some mans wife and then had him killed so she could be yours. What do you have to say for yourself?" And David replied, "No I didn't!"

It doesn't sound too good does it. I for one am glad that David did not say that. He realized that what he did was wrong and he said so. His realizing that he made a mistake and then confessing it to someone and to God are just one of the reasons why many people say he was 'a man after God's own heart'.

Sometimes when we mess up we don't realize it until someone brings it to our awareness. What happens after that is our own choice. We can say "Yes, I did mess up." and then try to move forward, or we can say "No I didn't" and spend so much time trying to hide our mistakes that we only dig ourselves in deeper. If you did it than fess up. Words have power.



2) Forgive - Ask God for forgiveness and then forgive yourself

Sounds easy right? HA! I wish. Sometimes asking for forgiveness is the hardest thing. It ties in with confessing because you have to admit you've done wrong. I must say though, even if I think forgiveness is a hard thing, I know that God doesn't.

So many times through out the New Testament Jesus forgives those who sin.
Look at Mark 2:1-5. After Jesus heals the Paralytic he forgives him of his sin.
What about the 'woman who was a sinner' who cleansed Jesus' feet with her tears and hair? Jesus forgave her. Even when the pharisees questioned him he forgave. Not just that but she believed that she was forgiven.(Luke 7:36-50)
He even taught us a simple prayer to help us remember to ask forgiveness. You might know it...

'Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come,
your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
FORGIVE US OUR SINS, AS WE FORGIVE THOSE WHO SIN AGAINST US
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one'

Matth. 6:9-13

So we've asked God for forgiveness for sinning against Him. Don't stop there. We have to learn to forgive ourselves. If God has forgiven us why can't we forgive ourselves. When we ask for forgiveness Jesus becomes our atonement (Rom 3:21-26) and takes our sins from us. The way I think of this it means that since Jesus took our sins, I don't have that sin anymore, so why not forgive myself. It's done!


So now we know that we need to CONFESS and ask for FORGIVENESS. It doesn't just end there. There are still three more steps to go.

3) Repent - Step away from the sin!!!
4) Accountability - Find someone or some people you trust who can hold you accountable and hold you up in prayer
5) LOVE - Learn to love God, yourself and others as God intended.


Again, if you have any thoughts or questions so far, please let myself or any of the leaders know. If you disagree with anything, please let me know, but make sure you can explain why you disagree. I'd love to know your thoughts.

So You've Messed Up.... Now What - Part 1

If you haven't tried to wipe it from your memories, which I hope you haven't, you should recall that on Friday Raena and Dwayne did a Q&A on sexual boundaries. I hope this got everyone thinking about their life and how it's lived. It was great because the two of them gave us all a general idea of where the line is. Now here is a question for you. What happens if you mess up? What if you cross the line?
None of us are perfect. We all make mistakes. There might come a time when we find ourselves at that line and we cross it. Who knows, it might have already happened. So now what? What do you do?
Throughout the rest of the weeks devo's I'll be going over some steps that might help you, or even a friend of yours who's facing this issue, out. When reading them please keep in mind Mark 12:28-31 (also Mt 22:34-40) which PJ (Pastor Jerry) quotes all the time on Sundays.

One of the teachers of the law came in and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?"

"The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these.

If we don't think and act on these verses, or keep them central to our lives, than everything we try will be pointless.

Anyhoo, Here's the list:

1) Confess - Realize you've messed up and tell God
2) Forgive - Ask God for forgiveness and then forgive yourself
3) Repent - Step away from the sin!!!
4) Accountability - Find someone or some people you trust who can hold you accountable and hold you up in prayer
5) LOVE - Learn to love God, yourself and others as God intended.

Remember I'll be going into detail as the week goes on. If you have any thoughts or questions so far, please let myself or any of the leaders know. If you disagree with anything, please let me know, but make sure you can explain why you disagree. I'd love to know your thoughts.

Purity #4

Phillipians 4:8...

^"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

10 Tips for Dating cont'd...

9) Put real love first. Genuine love always respects the other person. It never says, "If you love me, you'll … " Real love says instead, "Since I care about you so much, I will respect you, treat you with kindness, and never ask you to do something you know or feel is wrong." This can be applied to any relationship (i.e. friends, family, bf/gf)

10) Declare a new beginning. If you think you've already given away too much, don't give up. The beauty of Christianity is that sins are forgiven and erased. You can start over today.

This wraps up our devotionals this week on purity. I hope you have taken some of these points to heart, and will ask God how He wants you to apply them to your own life. Like I mentioned the first day, we all struggle with different aspects of purity, and need to look "up" to the One who has all the answers we need to live a pure life in every way...you can do it...I believe in you guys:)

See you tomorrow night...come ready to be challenged!!

Purity #3

Phillipians 4:8...

^"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

10 Tips for Dating cont'd...

7) Agree on your standards. Before you begin to go "further down the road" sexually with someone, talk about your standards. Don't dwell only on the negative—what you won't do. Hebrews 10:24 tells us to "encourage one another to outbursts of love and good deeds." Discuss ways your friendship can help each of you become a better person.

8 ) Don't always go it alone. Sure, you want to be alone with your guy-friend or lady-friend; that's only normal. Yet too much time alone can lead you to do things you'll regret later. Your relationship will be a lot healthier if you spend time with each other's families and friends.


Do you agree/disagree?

Purity #2

Phillipians 4:8...

^"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

10 Tips for Dating cont'd...

4) Remember whose property you're touching. You do not own the person you're dating, or anyone of the opposite sex, for that matter. That person belongs to God. Imagine there's a sign on everyone you date/befriend that reads: PROPERTY OF Jesus.

5) Make a promise to God, and daily renew your commitment. Decide where you're going to draw the line, and tell God that with his help, you are not going to cross that line until marriage. Don't commit to it unless you mean it, though. The Bible says it's a serious thing to make a vow to God. At the same time, realize that you can't stick to your promise without his help. That's why it's important to renew your commitment daily.

6) Acknowledge Jesus' presence on every date. Before a date/school/youth group, it's normal to spend a lot of time getting ready. After all, you want to look your best. But you also want to make sure you're spiritually prepared. So spend at least as much time in prayer as you do in front of a mirror. As it says in Proverbs 3 "Seek his will in all you do, and he will direct your paths."

*Note: I challenge you to take this last one seriously when it comes to Friday nights...PRAY that the Lord will do something in our hearts that night...EXPECT it and He will DO IT!!!


Do you agree/disagree?

Purity #1

Our devos for this week will be focused on the topic of purity. The scripture basis is Phillipians 4:8...

^"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

I have done some research and found something called "10 Tips for Dating" from Campus Life magazine (January/February 2001), published by Christianity Today International.

Now I know not all of you are dating right now, but let's be honest....WE ALL think about it or have thought about it at some point!! If you are not currently seeking a relationship with a person of the opposite sex, then see this as an "investment" opportunity...a time to put some thought, effort and energy in for a reward that may come later down the road.

We all struggle with the issue of purity, and what that means as followers of Christ. I hope some of these thoughts will get you thinking about where you find yourself when it comes to living a pure life...

1) Keep innocent expressions special. Rather than making the innocent expressions a mere prelude to the "heavier stuff," make the most of them. Let holding hands mean something. Make sure a kiss communicates true feeling and isn't just the first step to further physical involvement.

2) Pace your passion. Every marathon runner knows that you don't use up your energy at the beginning of the race; you need most of it at the end. Pacing your passion means that you realize you're trying to remain pure all the way to your wedding day. It's OK to express your love in little ways, but don't start messing with the package that is sex. To get real practical, avoid anything that is sure to ignite the fires of passion.

3) Don't feed your fantasies. It's normal to think about sex sometimes. In fact, with the way advertising and Hollywood exploit sex, it would be impossible not to think about it. So choose your entertainment carefully. Certain songs, books, television shows, movies and Web sites only turn up the pressure. Feeding your thought life with junk only makes it harder to remain pure in your actions.

Do you agree/disagree?

1 Timothy 4:12

"Do not let anyone treat you as if you are unimportant because you are young. Instead, be an example to the believers with your words, your actions, your love, your faith and your pure life."

This past week we have gone through how youth should be an example in their words, actions, love and faith. Is it hard sometimes? You better believe it! Are we sometimes going to fail? Stumble? Fall? You better believe it!! After all, we are human. But the important thing is that everyday of our lives we need to make a conscious effort to be an example with everything we do. We can't just be an example on Friday at youth and on Sunday at church and then the rest of the week live our life by going with the crowd... doing what our friends are doing... submitting into peer pressure... just because it's the easy thing to do and we won't get mocked. We need to live these EVERY DAY!

Finally, I want to touch a little on the final way to be an example... in living a pure life. The devotionals next week will based on purity.. so I don't want to go into a lot of detail but I do want to give you a starting point and something to think about.

Let's face it, we are living in a society where we are surrounded with SEX. There I said the forbidden word... the word we are not supposed to say, let alone talk about. Movies, television shows, people at school, people at work it seems like everyone is talking about it, doing it. Our society has made it seem like no big deal. "Whatever... everyone is doing it - so why not?" The world keeps making excuses for how far we go... "everything is okay".

There are emotional consequences (depression, guilt, etc) for what you do... even if you don't go all the way... Have you done something that your not proud of? Is it eating you up inside? Are you worried about being found out? Would your parents, leaders, friends be disappointed? If the answer to any one of these questions is yes - then you've gone too far.

Without shoving the bible down your throat, let me say this - sex (and anything associated with it) is for marriage. Period. Don't go pushing the line... seeing how far you can go without going all the way. Seriously, the further you push the line, the further you are willing to go and the further you will go.

I read something funny the other day in a book called "Chat Room Chatter" by Justin Lookado where he put it into perspective like this... Say you are with your grandmother (or someone who is extremely important - could be a parent, pastor, leader, etc). Now... let's say you are going out on a date and you have a video camera with you. After the date, you take the video camera home and sit down with your grandmother (or other important person). You start playing the DVD... Here's how the conversation goes...

"Look Granny, there I am picking her up at the house. I opened the door for her."

"Look Granny, we are at the restaurant, I paid."

"Look Granny, there we are at the movies. It was fun."

"Look Granny, there we are driving home."

"Look Granny, there we are kissing."

"Look Granny, there we are in the backseat."

... I'm sure you know how the rest of the "story" goes. Lookado says, at whatever point you get weird about telling your grandmother (or other important person in your life) what happened, there's your line. And if you don't get weird about telling your granny anything, you need help.......seriously.....you need help.....no kidding.....you need help.

How do you keep yourself pure? Trust me... I've done tons of reading on the topic because it was something I dealt with as a teenager as well. Here are some thoughts that I came across:

1. Draw Your Line! If you need help drawing the line, do it right now. You don't need to be in a relationship to be drawing the line. In fact, it is better (and easier) to draw the line now then having to draw it when your hormones are going wild. I saw an exercise that I want each of you to do. Here is a list of a bunch of stuff that couples may want to do when they are in a relationship - they are listed in a progression from least sexual to most...

The double take
The look
Talking
Flirting
Touching an arm while your talking/flirting
A hug
Holding hands
Touching each other's faces
Arms around each other
Massaging each other
Lip kissing
French kissing
Touching while kissing
And so on....

The list stops here because there's plenty of room above to start drawing your line. Where will you draw the line? How far is too far? Let me be clear - just because you haven't had intercourse doesn't mean you haven't crossed the line. Sex isn't just intercourse. Sex includes everything leading up to it.

2. Another thought in keeping pure is to talk to someone about your commitment. Maybe a pastor, a leader, a parent or even a really good friend ("accountability partner"). Someone of the same gender. Someone who will hold you accountable to your line! Someone who won't judge you but also won't say it's no big deal when you've crossed the line. The job of the accountability partner is to ask "Did you cross the line?" So whenever you go out on a date or spend time with the opposite sex, your "Accountability partner" is going to ask you if you crossed the line. The only requirement is that you have to tell the truth. No accountability will ever work if you're not being honest with yourself and your "accountability partner".

3. Here are some things and places to avoid if you want to try and keep yourself pure and keep yourself from crossing your line: spending time with the opposite sex in your room (or their room) with the door closed; napping together, lying down together, hanging out at home alone, parking to "enjoy the view" or to "just talk", body massages, drinking, dating non-be livers (the won't have the same need for self control); spending time with friends who are willing to push the line or don't care about being pure.

Write down your plan and keep it in your wallet/purse to reinforce it in your mind whenever you see it.

LADIES - YOU are just as EQUALLY RESPONSIBLE for keeping the guys pure as they are at keeping you pure! What do you think God is going to say to you when you stand before Him and you try and explain to Him why you didn't stay pure? What do you think God is going to say when you try to blame it on the fact that your boyfriend couldn't keep his hands off you? And you felt pressured? God is going to say and what did you do? Look at yourself! Take responsibility for your actions! STOP flirting, touching, insinuating... Be careful what you wear, what you say, what you do... guys are guys... they are built differently... they think differently. They are NOT women! THEY ARE GUYS!!

GUYS - I read the following which is a HUGE reality check for you.... The Bible says, when a woman gets married, their husband is to present them to God "... as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless." (Ephesians 5:27). Guys, you DON'T want to be the one that God sees when she gives herself and she has a stain, wrinkle, blemish or some type of scar on her that is as a result of YOU. And you DON'T want God to hold you responsible... but trust me... He will! And I wouldn't want to be there to see that show!!

Is it hard staying pure in today's society? OF COURSE IT IS!! That's why you need to surround yourself with people that hold the same values. People that will help you hold to your line. Being and staying pure is super important because you, as a messenger, may get in the way of the message. In Philippians 2:3-4 it says “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” What you do, how you act, affects EVERYTHING! Even worse, it affects those around you! One day you are at church hands raised, praising God, the next day you are living an impure lifestyle - guess what? The message disappears. How many times have I heard, "It's so hard for me to believe because I look at people and I know what they've done during the week and here they are on a Sunday with their hands raised acting all 'holy'. They're all hypocrites!" Guys, Ladies YOUR ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN YOUR WORDS!! Live your life with discipline EVERY DAY! God wants to use YOU and He can do such wonderful, amazing things with you when are an example in EVERYTHING you do!

Will You Surrender?

1 Timothy 4:12

"Do not let anyone treat you as if you are unimportant because you are young. Instead, be an example to the believers with your words, your actions, your love, your faith and your pure life."

The next part of being an example is with your faith. At first I thought, well... this is pretty simple... I have faith in Christ so I just have to show that I believe in Jesus. The more I looked at this passage and did some further reading, the more I realized that it's more than just believing in Christ... every other way to be an example in this passage has some type of outward action that you have to portray. What about faith?

Well, I started out by looking at the definition of "faith". One part of the definition that caught my eye was this:
"confidence or trust in a person or thing." I then looked at the word "faithfulness" and the definition was this: "strict or thorough in the performance of of duty; true to one's words, promises, vows; steady in allegiance or affection, loyal, constant, reliable, trusted..."

WOW! That is a completely loaded word! We could go so many places with the word "faith" or "faithfulness". I want to focus on just one... True to one's words, promises, vows.

Are you true to your words? When you make a promise do you keep it? When you make a vow (i.e. personal commitment), do you do it?

Walker Moore tells the following story in his book:

A youth group asked their youth pastor to put on a car wash to raise some money for homeless people. The youth pastor worked hard and put together this car wash. He had 30 young people signed up to help. Bright and early on the Saturday morning, the youth pastor was ready. He rose at daybreak, left his family sleeping, and stood in the church parking lot at 7:00 a.m. with buckets, hoses, sponges and soap - but no students. Finally at 7:30 a.m. he called on of the leadership team members to find out where he was. "You were supposed to be here," the youth pastor said. "You made a commitment."

The student responded somewhat sleepily, "Oh, I had something else - our soccer team practices on Saturday morning, too. I knew I couldn't do both, so I chose soccer."

The point is made that these students made many commitments for the same Saturday morning, knowing that they would have to choose between what they really wanted to do. Obviously, no one chose the car wash. Today's society has completely changed the meaning of the word commitment.

How many commitments do we make at the same time... only to have to choose between the various commitments? We commit to being at our youth group every Friday night... but then another youth group is doing something more fun and we commit to going with our friends to the other youth group? We commit to being at every hockey/soccer/basketball/volleyball practice but then maybe we're too tired.. or a party has come up so we go to that instead? How many times do we commit to cleaning up our room/making our bed/helping out at home and we don't bother? Many times I've heard the following... "I'll just do it later." What happened to the commitment?

I have read and heard that in today's society commitment doesn't mean much anymore. Instead of using the word commitment, people are now using the word surrender.

Surrender means "to yield or resign in favor of another". Are you willing to "surrender"... give up your own wants in favor of something else? Are you willing to surrender jumping from youth group to youth group and surrender to only one youth group... give all your strength, energy, time, passion, heart to only one? Are you willing to surrender 1/2 hour of "fun time" in order to clean your room, make your bed, or help out at home before going out? Can you be trusted to do this?

Moore summed it up as follows: Faithfulness means that if I give you a job, I can count on you to complete it. You are a trustworthy person. If you give me your word, I know you will do as you said you would.

Thoughts?

1 Timothy 4:12

"Do not let anyone treat you as if you are unimportant because you are young. Instead, be an example to the believers with your words, your actions, your love, your faith and your pure life."

We've discussed the first 2 ways youth are to be examples to adults - in their words and actions. 1 Timothy also says that youth should be setting examples with their love. There are many different ways to love. When you think of love do you think of the way you love your parents? your friends? maybe your boy/girlfriend?

The type of love that I am thinking about when I read this passage is the same type of love that God showed us ... yes we all know the verse... John 3:16... I know I don't have to recite it because that's one verse I'm pretty sure we are ALL familiar with. We are talking about the love that Jesus demonstrated on the cross. The kind of love that is selfless, not a childish love that only considers and thinks about me.

Let's think about that for a minute.... a selfless love... a sacrificial love that puts others in front of yourself. Walker Moore makes a point in his book that young people today want their families to scrimp and save so they can have an iPod phone or join their friends on the senior-high trip. They want their parents/guardians or others to make sacrifices on their behalf. What happens when your parents/guardians or others say "No" to you? When they tell you you have to wait for that iPod or cell phone? Or you can't go on that trip? Do you try and understand why they are saying "No"? Or do you storm off because they wouldn't make the sacrifice for you? How many times do you say "That's okay. I understand or will try to understand why you said no." How many times are we, as young people, willing to make sacrifices on someone else's behalf? How many times do we surrender our own wants in order to help someone else?

This is the type of love we are talking about. ...the type of love that understands that the way to be an example in our love is to show the type of love where we recognize that sometimes the needs of others outweigh our own.

What are your words and actions saying about you?

1 Timothy 4:12

"Do not let anyone treat you as if you are unimportant because you are young. Instead, be an example to the believers with your words, your actions, your love, your faith and your pure life."

Yesterday we started looking at what 1 Timothy says is the first example that young people should set (their words and the way they speak). We discussed how Walker Moore says that it seems at times that adults don't give teenagers respect nor take what they have to say seriously and as a result teenagers have developed something called "teenspeak" in order to communicate with each other (and something which some adults don't understand). This is sometimes used by teenagers to empower themselves and to give themselves some type of control.

Today we will take a look at how Jesus, when he was a teenager, empowered Himself and gained the respect of those around him with his words and his actions (which is the second way young people should be an example).

Luke 2:41-47

⁴¹Every year his parents went to Jerusalem for the Feast of the Passover. ⁴²When he was twelve years old, they went up to the Feast, according to the custom. ⁴³After the Feast was over, while his parents were returning home, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem, but they were unaware of it. ⁴⁴Thinking he was in their company, they traveled on for a day. Then they began looking for him among their relatives and friends. ⁴⁵When they did not find him, they went back to Jerusalem to look for him. ⁴⁶After three days they found him in the temple courts, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. ⁴⁷Everyone who heard him was amazed at his understanding and his answers. ⁴⁸When his parents saw him, they were astonished. His mother said to him, "Son, why have you treated us like this? Your father and I have been anxiously searching for you."

⁴⁹"Why were you searching for me?" he asked. "Didn't you know I had to be in my Father's house?" ⁵⁰But they did not understand what he was saying to them.

⁵¹Then he went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. But his mother treasured all these things in her heart. ⁵²And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men.

The first amazing thing that we see is that at the age of 12 years old, Jesus sat in the temple and dialoged with the teachers ... some even call them the "lawyers of lawyers." Isn't it unbelievable that Jesus was able to sit down and have an actual conversation with these guys? He knew how to ask questions, listen and process what he heard, and understand what He heard. He was able to talk to other adults in such a way that the adults were amazed and actually listened to what He had to say. Jesus didn't have a t.v. or a computer and He definitely didn't have to create some type of "teenspeak" in order to feel empowered and gain the respect of those around Him. He sat and listened to the adults and had intelligent conversations with them.

Now let's look at Jesus actions after he was found sitting in the temple having a conversation with the teachers...

#2 - Actions

What did Jesus do? He knew he was supposed to be in God's house, doing God's will. But knowing that he was 12 years old, He went back with His parents, and was obedient to them. While He was living with His parents, He grew in wisdom and stature and in favour with God and men. How did He do this? By his actions... He listened to the advise of His parents. Can you imagine Jesus getting into arguing matches with His parents? Yelling? Screaming? Jesus submitted Himself to the people that God had placed in His life.

Walker Moore in his book says that many businesses don't want youth groups coming anywhere near. In fact, hotel employees often call church groups "teenagers from hell" because they run up and down the hallways, slamming doors and screaming. Restaurants hate it when these same youth groups visit, because the "kids" never seem to display adult conduct there either. Can you imagine Jesus running around the dining area yelling at the top of his lungs? Or using His straw to blow spit balls at His best friend? Jesus knew that He was growing up and that God had a plan for His life. Knowing this, he submitted to the Godly people that God had placed in His life and was obedient and acted in such a way that adults respected Him... even at a young age. This is Jesus we are talking about... Jesus being God could have done whatever He wanted... He didn't have to listen to wordly people.. yet He did.

Feeling Empowered?

Now that we are parents, we have started getting into reading some of the "Parenting" books. After all, we have no clue how to raise a little baby - we've never done it before. Our stress level increases as we think about our little girl becoming a teenager because we don't know what society will be like when she gets there. What issues will she face? What decisions will she make? How will we react as parents?

Right now we are reading a book called "Right of Passage Parenting" by Walker Moore. Part of his book deals with the fact that teenagers now a days are living in a society that has created a bunch of confusion for them in regards to what their role is & where they fit in. Moore says that as a result, teenagers are taking longer to find their independence and confidence.

As a result of this slower establishment of independence & confidence, adults sometimes don't take teenagers as seriously as maybe they should, they may not give teenagers responsibility because they don't think that they can handle it and adults may even treat teenagers like children. In further discussing this, Moore addresses the following passage of scripture:

1 Timothy 4:12

"Do not let anyone treat you as if you are unimportant because you are young. Instead, be an example to the believers with your words, your actions, your love, your faith and your pure life."

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1st Timothy tells you not to let anyone treat you as unimportant because you are young. YOU ARE IMPORTANT!!! What you have to say is important! Young people have been the ones to change the world in the past! Why can't you change the world now as well? You should be treated with respect and you are important no matter what your age! Having said that... look at the passage again... after telling you that you are important, the passage goes on to say that you (in order to receive that importance and respect) must be an example to the believers (i.e. adults).

How are you to be an example? This weeks devos will focus on the 5 points referenced in this passage as discussed by Walker Moore in his book above. We will be discussing each one separately every day this week.

#1 - Words

The first way you should be an example is through your words. When little children talk, they talk as... well... little children. We find it cute that babies coo, gurgle, and eventually say dada or mama and utter their first words. What would happen if one of your friends tried talking to you by gurgling or cooing? Or what if they started talking like a 3 year old? You would probably laugh at them and tell them to grow up!

The funny thing is that as teenagers and young adults we have lost our ability to have actual conversations with each other. We have lost the ability to speak. In today's society we spend more time in front of a computer (Facebook, MSN, Twitter, email, Blackberry) or television than outside actually talking to people. Something has even been developed that Moore calls "teenspeak". "Teenspeak" is the talking and text messaging that occurs (mainly between teens) in an ever changing code. LOL! ROTFL! FYI! IMO! CU! There are many more but I'm sure you catch my drift. Subgroups of teenagers and young adults even change the meaning of the code words, creating an inner circle and alienating other people.

It seems at times that adults don't give teenagers respect nor take what they have to say seriously. As a result, teenagers sometimes feel like they have to create something that adults don't understand to empower themselves and to give themselves some type of control. Hence using these types of "codes" that most adults don't understand.

Is this the type of control you feel you need in order to get respect or feel important? Or is this the way you feel empowered? Being a part or creating something that adults don't understand? Let us know what you think about the points above. Tomorrow we will take a look at how Jesus, when he was a teenager, empowered Himself and gained the respect of those around him with his words and his actions.

This week our everyday choice we are looking at is drinking. Here is a post from Relevant magazine about drinking...

So, is Drinking OK?

Jason Boyett

Question: Which is better? Fishing with one Baptist or two Baptists?

Answer: Two. If you take one, you’ll have to share your beer. If you take two, you’ll have the beer to yourself, because Baptists won’t drink in front of each other.

I’m not much of a drinker. I didn’t drink alcohol at all until I was 22 years old. And these days, I might have little more than the equivalent of two 6-packs over the course of a year. A Coors or Shiner Bock when I play poker with my brother’s friends. The occasional mixed drink when hanging with another couple from our church. And should I find myself in the Caribbean, I’m man enough to admit I really like banana coladas—not the virgin ones my wife prefers, but the real thing. And that’s pretty much it.

Other confessions: I like to smoke when I go fly-fishing, because campfires are better with a good cigar, and mountain air is fresher after a cigarette. Furthermore, I play cards, invest in the stock market, let my wife manage our family’s finances and used to watch “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” with devoted regularity.

Next time you’re in a church service, fold a paper airplane out of the bulletin, give it a good toss, and chances are you’ll hit someone who thinks at least one of the activities above are sinful. Problem is, none of them are expressly prohibited by anything in the Bible, unless you do tricky things with the language or remove things from context. That’s one of the big struggles with being a Christian in a society two millennia removed from the time the last of our scriptures were written—all the gray areas. Jesus never said, “Disciples, don’t drink alcohol.” He never told any parables about the effects of R-rated movies on his followers. He never chastised the Pharisees for spending too much time playing video games. Of course, he was pretty clear on things like adultery and divorce. And he really got worked up when the religious folks passed judgment on those who didn’t live up to their lengthy lists of societal and religious rules

When Jesus walked around Palestine, the people who most upset him were the Pharisees. Why? Because they focused on their petty, pseudo-religious rules while losing sight of the important stuff like loving God and loving people. We do the same today. Lots of the “rules” of our comfortable Christian subculture are based more on tradition than the Bible. They have more to do with the notion of “being separate” from the world than being made in the image of Christ. And how significant is it that this attitude of separation places great emphasis on some issues of outward appearance (alcohol, smoking, tattoos, entertainment) and not others (unthinking consumerism, gluttony)?

Which brings us to the issue of drinking alcohol. Many readers strongly believe the Bible is clear in its prohibition of alcoholic beverages. Others believe Scripture doesn’t precisely disallow it, but feel it’s best in today’s society to abstain. And there are still others who think there is absolutely nothing wrong with drinking, while recognizing that drunkenness is very much a sinful act.

Some Christians go even further on the issue and don’t condemn drunkenness. A good friend of mine got to spend an evening with the members of a notable hardcore Christian band. After a concert at a local Christian venue, they all proceeded to a local bar and got plastered—the band, their management, the venue’s promoters, everyone. My friend ended up actually escorting the entourage around that evening because she was the only one in any condition to drive. Needless to say, it was a very long, weird night for her. She wondered if her local Christian bookstore would still display their huge cardboard cutout of the band had they known what went on that evening.

That’s all there is to the story. You’re wondering who the band was, aren’t you? Why is that? Is it so you can judge them? Pray for them? Join them? What’s the Christian response to that kind of story?
Let’s leave those questions aside and just look at some of the issues regarding the Bible and alcohol.

Grape Juice

I attend a Southern Baptist church. I’m not much of a Southern Baptist myself, but that’s a long story, and I won’t get into it. Anyway. Whenever a discussion of alcohol comes up among members of my congregation, and someone mentions the story about Jesus turning water into wine for his first public miracle, one point is inevitably made: that the wine back then was watered down so much it had little or no alcoholic content, making it barely more than grape juice.

That sounds good, and it’s an easy way to justify the nearly 50 times wine is mentioned in the Bible as one of God’s blessings. It also helps account for the many times the taking of wine or alcoholic drink is referenced neutrally, as nothing but a common cultural practice. But there are some problems with the “it was only grape juice” argument. How did the communion-takers in Corinth get drunk off of grape juice? Why did the Good Samaritan pour grape juice on the wounds of the assaulted man in Jesus’ parable? Why does Paul warn us not to “be drunk with wine”? Why were the apostles at Pentecost accused of being full of wine when they began speaking in tongues? Is strange behavior usually rationalized because someone’s been sipping the Ocean Spray? Yes, there were several different kinds of wine in the Bible with varying amounts of alcohol — but it was at a sufficient level for drunkenness to be an issue. People got drunk back then just like they do today. My guess is that Bible wine is exactly what it says it is.

Being a Stumbling Block

A more reasonable argument against wine is made based on an interpretation of Romans 14:21: “It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother to fall.” Based on the context of this verse, causing a fellow Christian “to fall” means causing him to do something that violates his conscience by imitating an action he believes to be wrong. This is how we usually interpret the scenario: I go to Wal-Mart and grab a six-pack. Bob sees me standing in line with my hands full of Coors. Bob thinks to himself, “Hmmmm … I’ve always been taught that drinking beer is sinful, but since Jason’s doing it, I think I’ll give it a try.” And so Bob drinks alcohol, even though he has been taught—and he himself believes—that the action is a sin. Bad for Bob, and bad for me, too.

Abstinence (or, perhaps, sneakiness) makes a lot of sense in this case, but let’s not consider the matter settled yet. There are three specific actions in the verse: 1) Eating meat; 2) Drinking wine; and 3) Doing anything else.

That pretty much covers everything, doesn’t it? And it’s just as clear on meat as it is on wine. Let’s consider our Seventh-Day Adventist brethren, who hold it as a doctrine that the eating of meat is wrong. Many believers have problems with SDA doctrine, but among most they are still considered to be a Christian denomination. So do you also think of Romans 14:21 when you pull up at the Burger King drive-thru? When you fire up the backyard grill? When you’re carrying a couple of steaks through the line at the supermarket?

For those who take the Bible seriously, the proper application of the verse becomes a problem. Because in addition to being a teetotaler, you’d better also be a vegetarian.¹

And we haven’t even touched the “doing anything else” part. Keep in mind that almost anything we do in our current culture has been labeled sinful by some aspect of Christianity. The list includes dancing, wearing makeup, women wearing shorts, listening to rock music, swimming in mixed company or buying anything on a Sunday. The list goes on and on. How do we apply Romans 14:21 consistently without living in constant fear that we’re causing a fellow Christian to stumble? How do we faithfully “avoid the appearance of evil” (1 Thess. 5:22) when evil can be almost anything?

To close out this point, remember this: Jesus greatly offended the Pharisees. He certainly spent time with the wrong people, and he drank enough for them to label him a drunkard (Matt. 11:19). It’s pretty clear he did enough to be a stumbling block (1 Cor. 10:32) of some sort to them. After all, they put him to death. Would that qualify for failing to “avoid the appearance of evil”? Jesus didn’t sin, did he?

Considering Our Society

It is estimated that there are more than five million alcoholics in the U.S. alone, and another four million that are considered problem drinkers. The mortality rate is 2.5 times higher among alcoholics than for the general population. Suicide rates are nearly three times higher. Accidental death rates are seven times higher. Up to 40 percent of all traffic fatalities and a third of all traffic injuries are related to the abuse of alcohol. One-third of all suicides and mental health disorders are estimated to be associated with serious alcohol abuse. And that’s just among adult —recent estimates identify more than three million problem drinkers between the ages of 14 and 17 in the United States.² Clearly, the abuse of alcohol has a devastating effect on our society. It messes people up.

Even if the Bible doesn’t condemn wine, wouldn’t we be better off in today’s culture — where it seems more people are likely to abuse alcohol than to enjoy it responsibly — to forgo it completely? It’s a logical argument on the surface, and one Christians have been using since the days of Prohibition. But there’s one problem: it’s pretty much moral relativism.³

Here’s the logic (or illogic): Thirty or forty years ago, our culture as a whole frowned upon things like divorce, adultery and sexual immorality. Why? Because the Bible said they were morally wrong, for one thing. Yet in today’s society, people hardly bat an eye about divorce. Everyone’s having adulterous and promiscuous sex with everyone else, and homosexuality has entered the mainstream. Our culture accepts these actions, but Christians continue to resist them because we believe the Bible calls them sin. And if something was a sin 2,000 years ago, it’s still sinful now. If Scripture is what we say it is, then you can’t eliminate certain parts of it because our society has changed. You can’t rewrite the Bible to accommodate today’s cultural standards. Sins are moral issues, not cultural ones. Got it?

Now, let’s apply that logic to alcohol. If we can’t drop sins from the list for cultural reasons, wouldn’t it be equally wrong to add them to the list for the same reasons? The opposite of the statement in the paragraph above also applies: If something was not a sin in 1st century Palestine, then it can’t be a sin now. And isn’t making ourselves the definers of sin a little too close to saying we’re better than God? At the least, it’s legalistic and Pharasaical. Remember who Jesus kept calling a “brood of vipers”? Here’s a hint—it wasn’t the immoral, the prostitutes, or the drunkards. Nope. It was the churchy people who burdened the above with too many rules.

Judgment and Fear

Let’s think again about the Christian band with whom my friend spent a saucy evening. What was your immediate reaction to that story? I can think of several possible reactions among readers of RELEVANT:
1) Excitement. Who are these guys? I need to know who they are so I can add another celebrity name to my list of Christians who think it’s OK to drink.
2) Anger. Who do these guys think they are? Don’t they know they’re examples to our youth? How irresponsible!
3) Sadness. Why does everything have to be so hard? Why is it so hard to enjoy something without eventually messing it up?

That brings us to the root of the issue. All the arguing about whether or not the Bible says it’s OK to drink really ends up saying much more about the arguers than the topic. I get the feeling that many of those who vehemently defend their rights to be Christian drinkers do so because, well, they’re nervous about being Christian drinkers. As my sister, Micha (a regular RELEVANT contributor), says, “It seems like we have to speak so loudly about why we’re free to smoke and drink because deep down we worry we might be wrong.” Same goes for the teetotalers, who argue and quote verses because they’re afraid to face the ease with which they pass judgment on their drinking brethren.

Both sides make good points, and both sides are wrong. Why? Because either way the focus is on rules. It’s all legalism. Does the Bible say don’t drink? Not exactly, so I can drink. Does the Bible say don’t drink? Not exactly, so I better not drink.

Here’s Micha again, because she says it so well: “It’s hard to tell people to be well-balanced — to drink, but not to drink too much. Because drinking screws people up, and how could Jesus have been a part of something that can turn bad so quickly? The truth is, none of us are very good at identifying and following our conscience. It’s hard to hear that still, small voice, and even harder to trust it. So we would rather have rules. And don’t the rules end up screwing us up just as much in the end?”

So those are the questions we’re left with, and there really aren’t any good answers. I could write that the Bible doesn’t say drinking is a sin (which I believe), but lots of readers will still disagree with me. I could also say that many of the drinkers’ arguments are based on their own fear of being wrong (which I also believe), but those readers will disagree with me, too. I could be angry about the Christian band, or I could feel some sort of kinship with them based upon their penchant for alcohol. But mostly I’m just sad, because it’s so hard to be like Jesus.

That said, I’ll close with two statements I think we all can agree on: Too much drinking does bad things to people. So does too much judgment.

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Sources:
¹ This argument is explained in greater detail by Daniel Whitfield in a 1996 article entitled “Alcohol & the Bible,” which can be read here.

² Encyclopedia Brittanica, online edition (www.brittanica.com).

³ Again, I’m indebted to Whitfield for this one.

Originally published on RELEVANTmagazine.com in 2003.

Park trip

This Thursday we are going to Crescent park. Permission forms are on the web site. Check out http://www.soulsanctuary.ca/asylum.htm

We are hoping for good weather...

If not we will be meeting in the harvest room.

Summer

What are you doing for the summer?
Are you going anywhere?

NO SOUL ASYLUM this Friday!!!!

Then we change to Thursday!

Come to the harvest room on Thursday July 9th.

GRAD AFTER PARTY Wednesday, June 24 we are having a grad after party at Jake and Kim Peters house. The address is 4297 Waverley Winnipeg MB. The party will start at about 9.15 pm till about 12.00 am. the cost of the party is $10.00 per person.


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Everyday choices



The new series starting at Soul Asylum. Thoughts?

The Gospel according to Twitter

Amy Green

May 26, 2009

ORLANDO, Fla. (RNS) -- Do you tweet during church? Isn't it rude?

David Loveless doesn't think so. Loveless is lead pastor of Discovery Church, a nondenominational congregation that draws some 4,000 on Sundays to three locations in Orlando. The congregation has always thrived on the cutting edge, becoming among the first to embrace contemporary music and remove its steeple from its building.

Now the congregation is tweeting -- using 21st-century technology to discuss the gospel in 140-character cell-phone text updates sent via Twitter.

The technology emerged naturally here, as something parishioners brought with them to Sundays from the rest of their week. Loveless recognized it as a new way to communicate, and he began posing questions during his sermons and asking parishioners to "tweet" back by texting their responses. Those responses were then woven into his sermons, creating an instantaneous dialogue between pulpit and pew.

"In John 1, when Jesus was referred to as `the Word that became flesh,' God knew exactly what was the most relevant form of communication for the first century," Loveless said. "It made people feel like, `My gosh, he talks my language.' That would be people's responses these days, in going, `My gosh, my pastor tweets.'"

It is the newest technology arriving in contemporary church services. In fact, it's so new, and growing so fast, that there's no data to say just how many churches have embraced it.

No longer is the cell phone such a pariah -- only ringing cell phones are. Instead, church leaders are inviting worshippers to tweet and text their way through services as a way to share their prayers and reflections with neighbors in the pews, or their family, friends and "followers" on Twitter.

"It's a hot-bed issue right now, and people are on two sides of the fence about it," said Matt Carlisle, a Nashville, Tenn.-based technology and new media consultant for faith-based groups and nonprofits.

"As Christians, we are to witness, we are to make disciples for Jesus Christ. And if we can embrace new technology to do that, I don't see any reason why we shouldn't embrace Twitter, why we shouldn't embrace Facebook."

Many church leaders embraced new media such as Twitter and Facebook long ago as a way to create an online gathering place and promote upcoming events. Now some are taking it further, encouraging tweeting and texting during services as a way to create dialogue and strengthen a sense of community.

Michael Campbell, the 30-year-old pastor of the 230-member Montrose Seventh-day Adventist Church in Montrose, Colo., poses questions during his sermons and asks worshippers to text their responses, which are displayed on a screen. Like Loveless, Campbell then discusses the responses.

In other congregations, Twitter has emerged quietly and organically, with parishioners tweeting their reflections during services in the same way they tweet their thoughts or activities throughout the week. The dialogue also allows real-time discussion and gives those who couldn't make it a chance to monitor services from afar.

"I'm a younger pastor," Campbell said. "You're just building that sense of community, and people are interested in that because now they are part of the sermon."

But isn't it distracting? Doesn't it detract from the contemplative and meditative nature of spirituality? Carlisle points out that parishioners long have been taking notes during services, and that never has been distracting to others.

"I don't think the etiquette has been established yet," he said.

"Literally, within a year's time, this thing has been happening at a handful of congregations."

At Mars Hill Church in Seattle, leaders never decided to add Twitter to services. It just happened, said Ian Sanderson, a church spokesman.

The nondenominational congregation draws some 8,000 worshippers at nine locations, including a new one in Albuquerque, N.M. Seattle is a tech-savvy place, and the average member at Mars Hill is in his or her 20s. Tweeting and texting encourages dialogue across the congregation's multiple locations, and it helps church staff keep up with what parishioners are thinking and feeling, Sanderson said.

"I would say probably 80 or 90 percent of the church staff is on Twitter," he said. "If the old rules aren't helping anyone in their walk and their relationship with Jesus, if you can pull out your iPhone and Twitter something about the sermon and that helps your whole group of friends, we're not going to frown on that at all."

Copyright 2009 Religion News Service. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Hip 2B Holy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h1RbMI7heQI&feature=related

Watch Global tonight at 9 pm

Church Wants Jesus in Jeans to Connect with Community

Christian Today reports that a Catholic church in Uckfield, England, is determined to show that Jesus is relevant today -- with a new statue of a modern day Jesus wearing jeans. "On the continent you often encounter modern representations of Jesus but it is not so common over here. We wanted a figure of Christ not in suffering but dynamic and welcoming," said Father Buckley, the parish priest of Our Lady Immaculate and St Philip Neri Catholic church. The seven-foot, £35,000 bronze statue will be placed 100 feet high on the bell tower. "The clothing is loosely contemporary in order to connect Christ to his people now as much as to his past. I hope this sculpture will inspire and communicate in very human terms, reaching out and being relevant to both the congregation and local community."

Mother's day

This past weekend was Mother's day.
What did you do for your mom?

YC Manitoba

Thoughts?

Come ready to talk about the weekend on Friday.

Thought

I am reading a chapter from a book for my life group tonight.

"Sometimes, in his infinite wisdom, God know that there are things to be accomplished in our character that can be brought only through suffering."

Thoughts?

Thoughts after last Friday?

What are your thoughts on the prayer path?
What are your thoughts on the stations of the Cross?
What are your thoughts on the studio of silence?
What are your thoughts after sitting there thinking about Good Friday?